Confession: I take the time to question and challenge my thoughts and every time I do, my mind gets fitter.
This week I took the plunge and subscribed to the ‘Calm’ app. *Yay me!* The book had been recommended to me, but I’d never checked out the app. I’m a firm believer that when it’s the right time for something, it will just nudge your gut and that’s what happened.
I was in bed on Monday night, getting ready to go to sleep, when the app came in to my thoughts. I googled it and within moments I was inputting my email address and creating a password. After seeing how much of the content was locked behind the premium subscription, it was clear that if I wanted to get any benefit, then I’d have to show them some money. I had to think about it. I couldn’t possibly make that kind of two figure financial commitment so impulsively.
I exited, shut off my iPad, turned off the light and went to sleep (with no problem).
The next day, I received some follow up emails from Calm … the sender, Christi from Calm, got my attention (it must’ve been the alliteration) and I was nudged further by the 50% discount. I’m an expert at deleting and ignoring email subscriptions, so still pondering this app, was a sign that there was a good chance I wanted it.
But I hesitated. I seemed reluctant to commit. Why was it taking so long for me to do it? What was I feeling? FEAR. I was scared to pay for something for myself, questioning whether I really needed it. One day I’ll go in to how depression affected my spending habits, but for now I’ll just say that questioning my need for anything but the essentials, was normal practice for me.
I took a moment to feel the fear and then challenged it – I’ve spent money on people without a second thought, I’ve given to friends with only a hint that they need or want something, so why was it so hard to spend money on something for myself? And why did I need so much convincing?
I could have gone down the rabbit hole in search of answers to these questions, but instead I remembered something – OPPOSITE ACTION. If I feel fear, then face the fear and do the opposite of what that fear is telling me to do: I whipped out my bank card and subscribed!
I deserve my own care and that includes paying for an app that will help me. I deserve the same unwavering commitment to my needs and wants as I would give to other people. I have now proactively created another way to self-soothe and improve the moments along my recovery journey. I’m worth that.
I listened to Lebron James’ series – Train Your Mind – and it was BRILLIANT! My goal since I committed to improving my mental health has been ‘Mental Fitness’ and it was those words that attracted me to listen. I felt encouraged, inspired and proud of myself, this is what recovery feels like!
Takeaway: Looking after myself may feel strange, but the more I practice doing it even when it’s uncomfortable, the more it will become normal.