Last week I didn’t want to write a blog post, so I didn’t.
I sat with my iPad on my lap, I reflected on my week, and thoughts whirled around my mind. I jotted down a few notes but couldn’t string words together for a blog post – I got annoyed with myself, feeling the pressure to write something. I didn’t want to fail at consistency again or prove that I’m useless at this regular blogging thing.
But I had a reality check
I’m in recovery. I’m blogging about my recovery. It makes no sense for blogging to make me feel bad about myself or negatively affect my mental health and recovery. Maybe it’s time for a break. Maybe it’s time to take my reflections outside and let them go free in the wind rather than form them in to words to share with others this week, was my conclusion.
I decided to turn off my iPad and go outside
I swung in my hammock looking out at the water and peace returned.
I’ve struggled with consistency for a long time and often criticise myself when I change direction, stop something I’ve intended to maintain or allow distractions to interfere with my plans.
It can’t be that I’m unable to be consistent, because I consistently brush my teeth in the morning and evening, I show up to work week in and week out and I stuck with my therapy programme for twelve weeks… maybe I just need to stop criticising myself for those times when I’m not. Simple, right?
Inspiration is like the wind
As the wind blew while I hung in my hammock, I felt the freedom of creativity and inspiration encompass me. I felt gratitude for the ability to turn thoughts and feelings in to written words. Not knowing when or how they will come, but inspired when they do.
I show up at my blog to create and inspire; I’ve never been one to write or speak just for the sake of it, so writing nothing and being inconsistent, is better for me than writing something that means nothing.
Safety 101: put your oxygen mask on before anyone else’s
It can be easy to show up and help others before making sure that you’re okay yourself. I’m glad I took a pause last week because it reminded me that if I’m not well, then I can’t help anyone. This blog with my weekly reflections, helped me to progress in to recovery – 5 months so far – so my commitment, above consistent posting, is to remain consistent with my recovery.
Take away: My mental health is my priority. Only then will I be able to continue helping others.