Last week I celebrated one whole year since I started training at Virgin Atlantic to become Cabin Crew. It’s been go-go-go since then and I’ve been so tired, but I’m now on a six week high hours break – meaning I’ve flown so much that I’m very close to the maximum number of hours crew are allowed to fly in a year, so I’m grounded.
As I have some down time, I thought it’d be a great opportunity to check in with myself and my recovery again, especially as I’m back in the Cayman Islands, the place where this blog was born.
First and most importantly, I can say that I’m happy
At the start of this recovery journey, back in 2019, I couldn’t imagine being able to ever say that again and all I wanted back then was a way out of the life I was living. Somehow I held on, I kept going and even on days when the best I could do was get up, brush my teeth, have a shower and eat breakfast, that must’ve been enough. Because here I am, happy and seeing a future for myself.
I recently spoke at a recovery event in Birmingham
Reminding myself and the audience that we are enough just the way we are. There were tears and there was laughter which encouraged me because I don’t speak just to speak, I speak because I know that what I have to say connects and resonates with people. As I returned home on the train that evening, I saw a flash of my greatness – I was born to speak but somehow life had caused me to shut up and hide. I don’t want that anymore.
It’s really started to hit me, just how much BED has taken from me and although I know it was a coping mechanism, I’m determined to continue finding healthier ways to cope with life.
My recovery journey has evolved in to a commitment to taking back the life I lost to BED. I’m not just here to stop bingeing, I’m here to live the life that was rightfully mine. It has started with peace and happiness from within but there’s so much more – I celebrate the fact that I survived but now it’s time to thrive. I’m still discovering who I really am, my new identity outside of BED and I’m accepting that unlike the last year and this job that seems to be whizzing by at a speed of knots (literally), the bigger life picture will take time to achieve.
I’m settled and ready for a new season
I’m ready to take new steps, calculated risks and trust myself a bit more with managing my life and boundaries. I’m sensitive to the timing of my life and this break feels timely – a perfect opportunity to be intentional about what I want the next year of my life to look like. I’m always open to surprises, but I believe intention is the name of the game in my next season.
There’ll be changes here at The Fat.Ugly Blog
The ideas I’ve had for a while now, are currently in production so change is coming. I’m not rushing, because this is all part of the journey, turning my experience in to something that can inspire, encourage and empower others along their unique path.
I’m so grateful that I started this blog, it’s only been two and a half years but I’ve come such a long way. I didn’t know where I’d end up when I started and I still feel the same now … but with each update and check in that I share, my hope is just the same as it always has been – that by sharing and talking about my experience of BED and recovery, others will learn and many will believe that they can recover too.
As an extension of this check in, I’ll be reflecting on the content in the Recovery Guide, it’s always refreshing to do that!