Hello, my name’s Anny and I’m just over here creating a space where Binge Eating Disorder (BED) can be spoken about without fear, judgment or shame.
If you’ve struggled with your weight and body for most of your life, give in to binges frequently and feel guilty, even after a stretch of being ‘good’; If you’re afraid (I mean real panic) that feeling fat and bingeing is going to rob you of the best years of your life (and your money!), let me give you a huge hug – welcome, you’re safe here.
I spent thirty years feeling that way, so no need to explain – I understand.
In 2020, I unexpectedly stumbled in to a BED diagnosis and started a combination of group and individual therapy with the Eating Disorder Service at South London and Maudsley hospital. I’ve been binge and restriction free since November 2020, and am making it my business to raise awareness of this psychological condition that may be contributing to your weight difficulties, and distress in your life.
I spent years feeling fat and ugly because that was easier than feeling the intense, overwhelming emotions I didn’t believe I was equipped to manage. Therapy filled the gaps with surprisingly practical actions I could practice daily and guess what? …IT WORKED!
No exaggeration – I felt like a light switch was flipped in my mind, brain, head … whatever you’d call that part of me that’d felt dark and broken for so long. I was starting to finally see that there was absolutely nothing inherently wrong with me – Binge Eating Disorder had been lying to me and it was time to shut down the voice that was keeping me stuck. The practical steps I learned in therapy helped me to do just that – one step and one day at a time.
I started The Fat.Ugly Blog when I finished my treatment and created The Binge Eating Disorder Recovery Guide to remind myself of the key tips that helped me to walk away from BED – this guide is available as a FREE resource for you too, so grab your copy here.
I wish I’d learned this stuff ten years ago before things got so bad. So even if you don’t have BED, you’re welcome to check it out too.
Maybe you’ve never had a BED diagnosis, but can relate to the feeling of being trapped in your body, controlled by your list of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods and wanting binges to stop so you can finally live your best life – this is a space for you too. I know it sucks to feel that way, but you’re not alone, so jump on the mailing list and feel free to hang out here!
Life after BED feels like freedom from an illness with the need for physio to restore full health, strength and movement.
Am I recovered from BED? Based on the criteria for a medical diagnosis – yes, I am.
But is that the end of the story? If only – it’s like breaking up with a partner that treated you like crap, but still having those annoying feelings that linger and sporadically pop up to ruin your day. Thirty years living with BED has impacted me and my life in ways that still left-field me, so my journey continues – healing and recovering from the wounds and scars it left behind.
As I continue on my journey, you’re invited to rest in a huge, comfy cushion here on The Fat.Ugly Blog and read, watch and hear about:
Feeling fat and stuck – those who say fat isn’t a feeling are technically right, but we know technicalities mean zilch when you’re feeling fat. So to all the ‘techies’ – please just let us be, you’re annoying!
Binge Eating Disorder – so much to learn and understand, but don’t worry, we’ll do it together
Treatment – my only regret about treatment is that I didn’t access it sooner. I wish I’d known – which is why you’ll see me advocating for awareness and accessibility
Recovery – oh how that journey of change is thwart with mountains and valleys, but I can assure you that recovery is possible and I’m here to help you get to the other side
Getting my life back – no apologies in advance for my free-spirited nature. I’ve been called the Rebel Pilot, so join the Fat.Ugly flight and we’ll have fun I’m sure. Are you on the mailing list yet? No? Well, get onboard – we’re ready to fly!
By the way, did I tell you that I understand?
At the risk of getting too deep (I’m known for random acts of deepness – and been told I’m ‘too emotional’ at times *insert eye roll*), I just want to remind you that you are not alone. There’re many people who don’t understand what you’re living through and I know it’s hard to ask for help. You’re reading my words longing to feel the care of someone who can see the unseen pain you experience daily – the pain that gets stuck in your throat because you’re so afraid and ashamed to share it. Why aren’t people psychic, right?! It’s ok – you don’t have to say a word. I see you and I know.
I’m here. I do what I do and I am who I am because of you. I do it because you continue to courageously face each day living through your pain, with the hope that one day you’ll find relief. The Fat.Ugly Blog might just appear to be a pretty space on the internet, but I want you to know that behind every word, image and thought, is someone who understands and has lived through that pain too. You are not alone and recovery is possible. Never stop believing that.
So, FYI – there are some specific areas that interest me a lot, so you’ll hear me banging on about these things too:
Weight loss and Binge Eating Disorder Recovery: I know that both clinicians and the body-positive advocates will probably be side eyeing these words sitting comfortably together in one sentence. But I don’t care. Suppressing these thoughts is counterproductive to healing and I want to talk about weight loss in a recovery-focused way – let’s have open, honest conversation.
Diversity and Inclusion in the Binge Eating Disorder space: I was a black British 37 year old woman when I was diagnosed. The lived-experience of a young, white woman doesn’t represent me, my experience or my voice. Let’s not allow one narrative and experience to run riot in conversations about Binge Eating Disorder.
Dance and Body Image: My body image skyrockets while I dance and it always has. You’ll discover more about my journey in dance, see me dancing more and being bolder in sharing. I’ll also explore the ongoing effect dance has on my body image.
Mental Health and Well-being in the workplace: I took a part time role in a HR department because I had previously experienced the negative effects of a toxic work environment and wanted to make a difference for others. Since 2016, I have been advocating for people and will continue to do this inside and outside my organisation.
Engaging in research: Following on from my feelings about Diversity and Inclusion, I’m keen to encourage and advocate for research in to BED, doing my part to increase representation and get involved.
I’m pleased you chose to stop by, thank you so much. Now to check – have you…
Subscribed to the mailing list? If not, no problem – just pop your details below
Received your copy of The Binge Eating Disorder Recovery Guide?
Connected with me on Instagram and Facebook?
Had a browse through my Books?
Checked out info about Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2021?
Done? Great – you’re all set!
Much love until we speak again xx